Flies!!!


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One of life's problems is flies. House flies, fruit flies, black flies, horse flies, flesh flies (yes that is a thing. They're called that because, according to Wikipedia, they drop their kids off at Open Mammal Wound Boarding School for Young Maggots. Otherwise known as the OMWBSYM. Pronounced om-wa-bus-im.).

They are nasty and vile creatures and I wouldn't mind if they died. (*whispers* "Especially if the bats died with them." *twists fingers evilly* MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! *clears throat* sorry about that.

The Five Simple Steps to Killing Flies.

  1. Get in your car.
  2. Drive to the nearest Harbor Freight, Walmart, Home Depot, or Lowes hardware store (Hardware stores sell some of the strangest things. I remember this one time, - I'll stop.) - or - you could just go shop online.
  3. Purchase one or more of the following: rolls of fly tape, plug in bug zapper, bug-a-salt, and/or a hand held bug zapper(s).
  4. Drive home. (Don't even worry about paying for it/them. The security and employees will understand. Just grab your stuff and dash for it. I promise they will understand.) Editors Disclaimer: She's being funny here. Ditching Suburbia does not support or advocate theft in any way! She also doesn't.
  5. For those of you who just bought fly tape: Hang the fly tape up somewhere.
    • For those of you who only bought a bug zapper: Click the button to turn it on. Laugh evilly. Kill every bug in your sight.
    • For you people who didn't buy anything: Get out a squirt bottle. Find a bottle of white vinegar. Mix vinegar and water in the bottle. Wreck havoc on those poor flies lives.

And now to conclude my post, a haiku on flies.

nobody likes flies
if you do you are crazy
and that is a fact.



Dead Fly

Goodbye Fly!

- Lydia

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