How to Prepare Shrimp

(WARNING! USE ONLY WHEN STARVING!!!)

Fried shrimp is a delight
Breaded shrimp a delicacy
But when it is fresh from the sea
Eating becomes quite messy

First it has to be boiled in a pot
Until it becomes light pink
Then the water is done
So just pour it down the sink

Next comes the worst part
Cutting off the head
The eyes and tentacles are still attached
It doesn’t even look dead

(Don’t let your daughter be around
After you have boiled it
‘Cause the sight of those tentacles
Might make her use the toilet)

Once the heads have been disposed
Set on the table a bowl
In the dish put the shrimp
Sit down and dig a hole

First tear off the legs
Second worst, past the tentacles
Oh just the thought makes me shiver
One word: gastrointestinal

Third, tear off the skin
It should come off fairly easy
But still be mighty careful
It could make you queasy

Next up, the back
This is the bathroom
Just take it off casually
Now it’s ready to consume

I usually add some creole seasoning
Just to give it some kick
But salt, cajun, or Tabasco works fine
Whatever blows your bubble; take your pick

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And that is how to prepare shrimp
When you’re at a loss of what to eat
I say this honestly, and I know it’s true
Anything, ANYTHING can beat.

Beheading them.

Beheading them.

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